An ode to old people in grocery stores… apparently world wide

Dear old people in the grocery stores …. I realize that you have to get your groceries just like the rest of us, but apparently in your advanced years, you seem to have forgotten some basic public space etiquette. Please, let me remind you of a few small details.

1. You seem likely to be retired … why the hell are you going to the grocery store at peak shopping hours for non-retired people? Seriously — there is no need for you to invade en masse on weekends. This is why the senior buses always go on like a Tuesday through Thursday during the day. Keep this in mind.

2. The old people speed contradiction needs to be solved. That is, you walk down the aisles (usually in the middle of the aisle and look put out when someone politely excuses themselves around you) at less than a snail’s pace. Clearly, you are not in a hurry or it’s hard to read/ decide… whatever… the point is you’re freaking slow as you toddle around the store. However, when it comes to the checkout line, you suddenly are in the biggest hurry on the face of the planet.

3. If there are a lot of folks in the store and the check out lines are long, bitching from the back of the line to the person checking out is NOT, I repeat NOT going to get the line moving faster.

4. Just because you’re old, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to wait your turn. So, don’t look all put out when you try to cut in front of me and I politely remind you that you’re behind me. I’m only polite once and it’s only because I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt for being bloody blind or senile to have missed me standing there.

5. You may have lived this long, but you’re really taking undue risks with you life by invading my personal space in the line. In particular, there are two offenses that old people in lines seem to be most likely to commit. The first one is bashing you with their grocery cart while you’re standing waiting in line. This is inexcusable and should get you told off immediately (I particularly like telling people off in German, it’s so much easier to sound all pissed off…and yes, I do mean when I’m in Germany I like that). The second one is standing too close (ewwwww) and then coughing your old person nasty ass cough in my hair. Really????? I’d turn around, but I wouldn’t want to get that sputtering nastiness in my face as you’re like a foot from my head and clearly not covering your mouth.

In short — you’re old, but you’re not excused from being socially appropriate. Remember, we get to pick, run, and regulate your nursing homes…

 

Oh yeah — and if you were actually expecting an ode with its three parts, lyrical nature, and communication of love or affection — you’re out of luck too :)

Darn that verifiable information….

FactsVFox

Number of illegal immigrants falling

Federal taxes are lower than they’ve been in 60 years

America has never been richer (well, at least rich people are richer ;) )

The US spends twice as much on health care but gets worse results than other developed nations

Wall Street crashed the economy in 2008

Roger Ailes was the GOP’s top media strategist

Rally To Restore Sanity…Redux

I know this isn’t exactly news since the Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert’s Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear was in 2010, but as we close out 2012 in the wake of continued political ‘hyperbole’, fiscal cliff insanity, continued gun violence (and apparently learning nothing from it), and what seems like growing irrational discourse in the US, I thought that I would share my experience and a bunch of photos in the hopes that sarcasm to respond to lunacy mixed with small moments of sincere engagement dominate discourse instead of … well…  what we normally see.

The Rally to Restore Sanity

On September 16, 2010 my partner and I were watching the Daily Show when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert announced the Rally to Restore Sanity &/or March to Keep Fear Alive.

So, with a well-worded memo to our Dean requesting funds to travel (it was an educational opportunity… and my Dean was awesome about this kind of thing) and having to take  four well-behaved college students (i.e., the ‘educational’ experience :) ), and much enthusiasm we headed to DC.

Stewart encouraged everyone to make signs and so I tried to photograph as many as possible while the students interviewed people to find out why they were there, where they were from, and if they’d ever been to a rally before. The majority had not been to a rally before, they were from all over the US — many traveling just for the rally. And while some were only there for the spectacle, the majority also said they felt like it was something that … was more.

It was a funny day, a friendly day, and a day where a couple of hundred thousand people decided that being reasonable probably wasn’t so bad. These are my pictures of the day — the people, the signs, and the costumes that stuck out.

So, this was my day at the Rally to Restore Sanity — I also encourage you to check out the footage from the day, but especially Jon Stewart’s speech — it was a really good summary of what I think lots of people were thinking.

Enjoy the pictures!

New NASA spacesuit looks an awful lot like Buzz Lightyear

Audra:

The substantive changes in the suit (e.g., flexible joints, etc.) seem perfectly sensible, but really? The author is tragically correct — it looks as close to Buzz Lightyear’s suit as I think that it could.

But this really inspires a number of questions…. Is NASA trying to inspire excitement about the space program by appealing to an American ‘pop cultural’ theme? Is NASA full of nerds who need to get a life? Why are we developing suits for deep space exploration anyhow?

Oh yeah and one other thing, rear entry? Really? That’s just a dirty joke waiting to happen.

Originally posted on WTVR.com:

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(WTVR) –   NASA may be taking their next astronaut suit to infinity and beyond. The agency’s newest prototype suit looks a lot like the popular Disney character Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story.

The mostly white suit feature Buzz’s signature color prominently: neon green, and even has a large transparent dome similar to buzz.. It’s designed for deep space exploration, has flexible joints for better ease of movement and has a rear entry point making it easier for astronauts to take it on or off.

The prototype is named Z-1 according to Tested, a website run by Myth Busters stars Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage. The website reports it’s just one of several  prototypes NASA is working on. It could be ready for the field by 2015.

While the Z-1 is now making headlines for its likeness to a popular Disney character, it’s been around for a little…

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No Ism But Organism – or – If You Don’t Like Weeds Get The F%$* Out Of My Garden! #photography

Audra:

Because sometimes we need a delightfully brutal Scottish reality check somtimes….

Originally posted on Warren Draper:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

So far today three people have told me that they’re sick of these ‘bleak’, ‘dreary’, ‘grey’ winter days. Anyone who actually bothers to walk out into these winter days – rather than just stare at them through the plastic-framed windows of their houses, offices or cars – knows that this is nonsense. But to add insult to injury the people who are whinging about winter are much the same people who moaned about the weeds back in the spring and summer. I can only recommend that these people follow the lead of many others on our street and get a TV which is so big it covers their windows so they don’t have to look at the world as it really is… or at least as it is for now :-(

Don’t get me wrong, I love these people (apart from ‘D’ who’s proper nasty and has a the really…

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Audra:

What I love about the widespread talk about Colbert as a politician is that the man is willing to push ironic comedy as far as possible. Yet, when he testified in front of Congress — still in character — he shredded the arguments and created a compelling case for the revision of our immigration policy for reasons most Americans don’t think about — illegal immigrants are easily abused by employers who would break the law.

Originally posted on The Tribune of the People:

Talk-show host Stephen Colbert is South Carolina voters’ preferred candidate to replace Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), according to a new poll by the Democratic Public Policy Polling.

The Comedy Central host, who’s openly lobbied for the seat, leads a field where the rest of the names are Republicans: 20 percent of voters want South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley (R) to appoint him to DeMint’s seat when the senator resigns from Congress.

via Colbert is top pick to replace DeMint – The Hill's Ballot Box.

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Musings on connections…flights and friends

So, here I am flying across the American heartland, crushed into the cattle car that is modern air travel with the aggressive armrest using middle-aged guy beside me highlighting almost everything in a JAMA article, then going back and underlining about half of the highlights. Directly in front of me is the guy who moves like Stevie Wonder grooving to his music, yet this guy has no music turned on, he just randomly moves like that. Oh yeah, and Stevie Wonder thinks it’s cool to recline his chair all the way back and then flop around in it like an epileptic cow. Quality.

So as I’m sitting here updating my FourSquare locations with places like ‘Mile Marker 161′ & ‘Deserted On-Ramp’ in Kansas or ‘God’s Country’ (a farm) in Missouri, I’m completely amused that I can do that on the plane. So, now I get to dot my near mayorships of random shitty places in the US all the way from Dallas to Chicago amd then hopefully een Chicago to the Atlantic later (assuming that I make my connection in Chicago…the odds are about even on that one right now).

There is an absurdity about modern life. We share and post all kinds of meaningless shit in social media and think we’re keeping in touch with those we know or once knew (btw, asshole behind me is about three knee hands in my kidneys away from a stern ‘fuck off’ facial expression…and yes, my seat is in its upright position), but in a way it is kind of like being around them. Must of the stuff that happens on a daily basis is pretty much of the ‘hey, I took a huge dump’ quality and variety, yet that’s what we share with those most close to us.

So is the fact that this goes out to the couple of hundred people we know on Facebook and Twitter, some if whom we haven’t seen in 5, 10, or more years worthless? I don’t think so, especially for those of us who have moved around. Where we were once links by the places we live, now we’re more linked by the connections (good, bad, and ugly) that we choose to keep. Is this a good thing? Who the hell knows?

But at this point, I can amuse myself and maybe 10 others with bumfuck egypt updates and wait for the verdict on whether I’m going to make my connection to Manchester out of Chicago….

… a post script — I made my connection with 6 minutes to spare before they closed the plane doors to Manchester.